Have you lost hope – about your low sex drive?

There's an old joke about the best way to stop having sex with somebody is to get married to them. Or at least be in a long-term relationship. There's something in it, though. Maybe you are in a reasonably happy relationship? Nothing really wrong, but you have more or less gone off sex for some time, and you tell yourself that sex isn't that important anyway.

Somehow you really, really want your sex life with your partner to be better. You wish that you could feel more sexy, and that you would have a satisfying sex life. But it never really get better – and you are sad about it. And you are wondering what really happened, you used to feel more sexy.

But you also have good reasons for avoiding having sex. You might have children, or you are busy at work and too many things going on in life. But deep down you know, that there is more to it than that but you just don't know what to do about it.

And then you buy that magazine that says on the front page: "How to become a Sex Goddess for your partner" or something like that. A little hope has ignited within you, that there might an answer to this, they might have the solution there, in that magazine!

We didn't learn about sex and intimacy at school

And you read it and it will recommend you and your partner/husband to go away for a weekend somewhere and the rest of the article will give you suggestions to what to "do" and as soon as you look at those suggestions – your ignition is blown out and you feel that hopelessness creeping up on you, it's never going to work.

When you set off for that weekend, you feel that pressure, that you should feel sexy, you should have sex, otherwise it will be another failure, again, to have sex. You will probably have a lovely weekend anyway, but it's clouded by a deep disappointment with yourself that you have "lost your sparkle".

We grow up and we go to school and learn about different subjects and then we graduate and take off in life. But, we don't learn about relationships and sex. Where we learn about those is from different kinds of literature/magazines, or possibly by talking to friends who heard from someone else. You get my drift.

What do you do about it? The first thing to do is to accept the situation exactly as it is. I'm not saying  the situation can't change, but just to accept it…as it is. It might take some time to truly see it as it is, but practise by excluding saying things to yourself like, "it should be like this, or it should be like that. Say "I accept exactly how it is".

Sex is a big topic to talk about and to write about, I wish that I could cover it all in one go. I'll come back to this topic soon again by next week.